For as long as anyone in my family can remember, the roots of my past are deeply set in Maryland, where the blue crab reigns supreme and folks say, “y’all.” Coming from a typical white, conservative, middle class, blue-collar, hard-working family, has brought me where I am today. My parents instilled in me Christian values and the will and determination to make a difference in the world. Much of my migration, or lack thereof, has been in and around the DC Metro area, calling Northern VA home mostly all of my life. 

Although my roots start in Prince George’s county Maryland, Virginia holds my heart. Its beautiful mountains, rivers and trails have enticed me and helped connect to the natural world surrounding me and its ever-changing landscape. Even though I started my life in Prince George’s county Maryland, my parents felt making a life in Manassas would be best for me and my sister. 

Going through my primary years in a typical neighborhood where kids ride their bikes and play outside until the street lights come on, was my normal. However, Mother’s Day of ‘93, shook up my normal creating a crisis to forever change the course of my life. Having a seizure in the middle of eating cheese filled ravioli, while sitting at a table with my sister and two cousins was not the path I saw in front of me. Little did I know that the numbness I felt on the left side of my face, moving down my neck at random times in the day or at basketball practice was a tumor that had been growing since birth. 

The tumor physically changed my life for a short amount of time, but the side effects forever. The amount of pressure that was applied to my brain during the most crucial developmental time in my life, has led me to have vision impairments, frontal lobe damage, and one small physical complication. I attribute my enhanced creativity and imagination to my brain tumor. Without its pressure on the right side of my brain, those functions may not have developed. Having a brain tumor removed at the age of 13 might seem traumatic for anyone. For me, I knew God would take care of me and I had a long life to live. Thankfully, living in the DC Metro area helped in that it provided me with the best neurosurgeons in the nation at Georgetown University. 

The hidden truth was that I was not processing the hurt and the pain, but shoving it down and putting on a happy face. When assigned to speak of a personal experience in my sophomore speech class, I chose to speak about my experience of having a brain tumor. Nervous as any typical high school teenager, standing up in front of a classroom full of her peers, I started my speech. Without even finishing my first sentence, I burst into tears feeling the weight of the full experience on my shoulders. Most of my classmates knew of the event as they had known me during that time, some dating all the way back to elementary school. Although difficult, I continued to push through the pain and deliver my speech to the end. Feeling lighter and at peace after the speech gave me a renewed sense of self and revealed my vulnerability to others but showed my strength. This is my past, but only the beginning of my story.

My story continues in Northern Virginia, competing in sports through school and league teams. My teammates and coaches played a big part in my years leading up to my high school graduation. Living in my sister’s shadow, playing similar sports and playing the same positions always left me guessing if I was good enough. I struggled through high school with doubts of self worth and lacked confidence in most situations. 

After high school, I was, like most 18 year olds, itching at the chance to be free to make my own choices. Little did I know most of my choices would be based on the search for love and a place where I belong. My undergraduate degree was the most difficult as I was blindly going through the motions of the typical child of a white middle class family that understands you have to go to college and get a degree to be of any worth in this world. I never thought I knew what I wanted, my indecisive tendencies left me finishing my undergrad in double the time. During my undergrad I switched to four different schools, in two different states and ended up where I began, in the fine arts. Knowing what you want at an early age, doesn’t mean that it is a mistake, it means you are blessed. Denying your ability to know and understand who you are, to the core of your being, and going against your desires and dreams, is a fool’s errand. 

After earning my degree, I ended up in Shelbyville, TN, a place that is more like a walk in time than anything else I have experienced. Moving from the fast-paced Northern Virginia area to the walking horse capital of the world, opened my eyes to the beauty of nature, people and the simple things in life. In Tennessee, it seemed as though I was living in the 1950s, where the women’s place was in the kitchen or raising babies. I went against the grain, a sassenach, or outsider encroaching on their normal routine and way of life. After spending a little less than two years, my time in Tennessee had run out and I gathered my belongings. Starting anew in southern VA, thought to be the best until tragedy struck within my family. Pushing through the pain and loss seemed to be the way my life would continue. 

Ever since moving back to Northern VA in 2010, I have been determined to stand back up, no matter how many times I get knocked down, dust myself off no matter what comes my way. Even though I have love and lost, I have not given up the hope that someday I will find my true place in this life and share it with someone that is faithful and true to myself and my children.